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5, 4, 3, 2 to 1

i always favor number 5. it is a number of happiness, naive and dreamy. how do i express the uneasiness i feel when 5 reduced to 1? 5 were crowded, noisy, and packed. but everyday is a new day.the 5 work together and eat together and play together. there were sunday outings to the preserved forest. there were truck loads of grocery shoppings every fortnight. there were movies watched cluttered in a small room. there were a round table and all 5 packed together and all fight for food. if u r slow u'll dun get any food. there were cinemas and amazingly stunts movie of James Bond. there were house full of sunflowers that bloom so brightly that the house is the most beautiful among the neighbourhood. there were trips and vacancies to places and pictures of 5 were taken. there were long journey back to kampung where all 5 were packed tightly in a small car. there were cold water running from the waterfalls where all 5 enjoyed very much. there were a Luciano pavarotti version of O SOLO MIO sung by the all 5, which was all off keys and wrong pronounciation. there were a moral lessons or principal that all 5 alwiz hold on to.

growing up, 5 reduced to 4. in mathematical equation, u must subtract 1 from 5 to get a 4. the 1 is 1 portion of heartache, 1 portion of suffer, 1 portion of poverty, 1 portion of disappoinment, 1 portion of grief, 1 portion of lost, 1 portion of tears, 1 portion of sickness, 1 portion of health, 1 portion of changes. of course there is also 1 portion of love, 1 portion of caring, 1 portion of cruelty, 1 portion of gossips, 1 portion of despair, and 1 portion of departure. but 4 is still a huge number. a plural. 4 makes a crowd. a group. a sense of happiness. i am still contented with it.


but before the equation substract 1 again, changes happen. lots and lots. words forgotten, dreams pursued, status changed, chances approached, value upgraded, love forgotten. which all will lead to smaller and smaller value of number.

i had i dream that day. i dream that 4 became to 3. i was so shocked that i jumped awaked from the dream. it took me awhile to realize that it is just a dream. this reminds me that there were one period that i need minutes to clear my head after i woke up, to remember that there were no longer 5, like what i had in my dreams, there were only 4, no miracle.
so i begun to think. as long as there are 4, as long as the numbers doesn't drop, no matter how far they are, it doesn't matter. still i fear, the equation will subtracts and substract again until at last there is only 1 left.

i understand the law of changes, i understand everyone has his own path, i understand everyone has his own philosophy. but still, why 5 has to become 1?