even though i live in the reality, i alwiz keep the hope that something nice will happen. something fairy-tale-like. something so amazing that i won't believe it just happened in my life. i still havent encounter the miracle yet, but i still keep the hope.

Hope is EVERYTHING~~ 

i like fair tales. : )

One of my fren wrote this as her msn nickname :

"Aim for the moon, even if u missed u will still land among the stars"

this sounds crazy for me, coz u wont land on stars even if u missed the moon. stars are tooo far awwayy...haha.. anyway, it is a good motivation afterall..

and due to my slackiness i'm wandering around this verse. 

if i really did missed the moon i might be floating in the space. who knows i will bump into the stars one day?

or i'll float towards the sun and burnt into ashes?

when mentioning space it makes me thinks of a lot of thingy.

like 小王子 which i read few times a long time ago. i still dont catch what the story means actually. but i just love the mystery/weird story lines it has. 

maybe i'll keep floating in the space until i found a rose on a planet which is just the size of a football field.

then i tot of some articles i read. its about UFO. there's some crazy guy chasing after UFO and claimed that they had saw it. not that i don't believe in UFO. the universe is Soooo BIG, it is indeed very sad if the earth is the only planet that have living creature. i will be glad that i can encounter with aliens someday. only if they are friendly and kind. XD

although the universe is toooo huge for me to interpret. there is alwiz incident that occured which make me feel that this world is way too small. just like this morning, i met a black guy on the way to coll.in the bus. he sat next to me. with odour. really smelly.haha. so i have to move my whole body to the left inch by inch, avoiding any body contact with him. haha. unfortunately is, he spoke to me... (i wonder why ppl alwiz spoke to me in the bus) and i found out he's from my church. church which i neglected. sigh. feels like god's calling me back. sigh sigh. anyway he got off from the bus with me at the same station. and he even waved me goodbye. creepy though. i cant except friendliness from strangers.haha

then i met a friend which i know long time ago, which i forgotten.haha. he said i disappear suddenly few years ago. do i really disappear from all my frens?? hahahaha. anyway, he's a fren i met in a camp. the camp is real fun and it is my first time to meet so many friends at one time. and it happens to be that he wanted to study ID. i feel so sorry for him. he just have to abandon his dream becoz of one advice from the councelor. damn the councelor really. he say malaysia economic is going down and ID wont be as demanded as last time. damn it la. if ur dream is in local u better dont study design. just becoz of one sentence from him my friend has to give up his dream. and he seems to like ID very much. i still remember catholic's councelor, i forgot who it was, either yong moi moi or another pn. she gave us 4 pic and let us pick one. and i picked a scene where there is one man and one women, standing in a place where everything is orderly keep. then there is some calender or calculator at the side. she said person who picked this image is very practical or something else la. whatever it is it wont be suitable for design. damn u la. i see it as a wonderful family in a safe shelter. but what you see is maths and theory. u just judge the world with 4 image. and u change somebody's decision or make them to give up their dream. i wonder what do you dream to be when you r young and what turns you into a councelor. i doubt that counselor is ur ambition. 

anyway, it is not wrong to consider the job opportunity when choosing your course. but i wont be happy if i have to study other thing else then design. jay chou also got say 

" 要让自己快乐快乐　这才叫做意义"

XD. so sarsi ah sarsi~~ better make ur mind straight. u got a chance to pursue ur dream. and it's free of charge. u must put 200 percent effort into that. u might get rejected now. u might get discourage now. u might get critics now. and u might get tired now. but u MUST WORK HARD HARD UNTIL YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO DESERVE AFFIRMATION.

 not from frens, not from family but from PROFESSIONALS!!!!!! 

and think SMART, NOT THINK HARD!!!

just read the email about worms in the OREO. so disgusting~~ yaiksss.. and i'm eating biscuit when i'm reading it~ swore i'll nvr eat oreo again~~ NVR!!!! that mail reminds me of another which i received last time. it's about worms in the breast. although the image is kinda fake and we can tell it is edited, i still have goosebumps when i thought of that picture. it took me few weeks to clear off the itchiness or i dunno how to describe it from my mind.. disgusting..

I REALLY HATE WORMS!!!

or SOMETHING LIKE WORMS!!!!

Nick say have to wait till holiday only got time to date.. TT.TT... that is one month away...

can some one help me get my head into my work??

arghhhh~~~~~

i alwiz know there's a price for everything u want.

u want success? u have to trade it with hardwork. to work hard, u sacrifice ur time. when 24/7 is not enough, u tend to keep working and skip sleeping. i hope i am a superwomen that doesn't need sleeping at all. so i can stay awake to finish up my work. 

unfortunately it never happens. worse is, 习惯成自然。now, no matter how tired i am, i can't fall asleep before 2. and now, i am having the stupid headache. damn~~ alwiz happens when lack of sleep. but i just couldn't drag my self up to the bed. it is a long process. closing all windows, disconneting from the net, shutting my comp, i am already too numb to get myself to do all this. can't get myself disconnect from the internet. feels like i am deserted. haha.. that's what i feel for the few years back when i have no internet connection at home. so i spent another 5 more mins lingering on some site, and another 5 mins, and another 5, and it's 3 in the morning. haha. happens everytime. 

and everytime when i reach to this state of mind, i am blur. and sad. i can't produce quality work. which turns out my hardwork for the whole night is wasted. and i need another few nights to complete it. so shit. i really longed for a vacancy. or better if i can get 48 hours one day. so i can spend the extra 24 for sleep and lingering. to the truth, i am not in the mood to do my design. getting tired everytime i pick up my drawing tools. guess i really really need to adjust back my routine. shud sleep before 12 at wake up at 7. now i seldom see the morning glow of sunrise. heeheee..

 

arghh.. i need my life to be more meaningful.... must poke myself to not wasting time and think wisely. poke. poke poke poke. 

and i want a date with NICK~~~~~~~TT.TT

wahhahahahah....

我中奖了！！！！！

半夜凌晨打开email一看，竟然有一封mail 的标题是 toshiba lucky draw winner :　Ms. Choy Rui Hua. wahhahah.. 心里狂跳了一百下，因为首奖是 laptop le!!! 哈哈．．．怎知道．．．

原来我只是五百位幸运儿之中的其中一个，奖品只是512 的pen drive. ha ha.. 可是我还是很开心．第一次重奖诶！！！！！或许对人家来说这没什么，可是这让我觉得自己不是那么倒霉，至少还有一点点幸运的福气～～娃哈哈哈哈哈哈～～～

超开心～～

头昏脑涨了~~~

好烦哦 ！！

我需要火花 !!!

The forgotten old ones.

my mom crazy edi..

crazy for youtube.. haha.. 

ever since i teach her how to log on to you tube, how to download video, she've been opening those old melody whenever she's free. early in the morning it became my alarm, at night it accompany me to do my hw.. hahahahahah....

though looking at her clicking on the mouse and typing slowly is quite fun.. her reaction is so cute wei.. suddenly she will scold the comp den suddenly very happy that she found what she want.. haha.. old lady memang like that.. haha.. i'm glad she learnt about internet. actually i'm glad she still has the ability to learn.. glad she's not too old to remember all the steps to download a video. haha.. 

NOTES : my mom use two hands for typing wor~~~ not one finger.. hahaha.. but still she need to use 1 min to find out where the"q" is.hahaha.....

erm... being listen to old melody for few days, i think i should recommend one or two.. quite nice de... and it can be emo too... for rachel and ah sui..haha..

chinese version. my mom's favourite. sick of listening to it now..haha..

臭蚊子！！！

每个人都一定有同样的经验。

只是   

基于不同的理由。

当身体累倒极点时，

倒在床上。

听着秒针走了三百六十五圈    

又三百六十五圈。

还是睡不着。

闭上眼睛，

竟然又开始害怕起来。

害怕会睡不着。

害怕会翻来复去到天明。

又想起，

曾经试过    

，就要掉进梦想的那一瞬间，

脑里突然闪过一个念头：

“怕睡不着！”   

   

结果，

又失眠一整夜。

天啊～～～

失眠不好受。

更糟的是，

笨蛋蚊子竟然多到   

翅膀震动的声音   

可以盖过秒针走动的旋律。

这个家到底是蚊子的家还是 我 的家#$?@?$

Tuesday phobia

i hope there's alwiz another day between monday and tuesday. so that i won't need to face the lecturer on tuesday morning. although i've done quite a lot work on the subject. but when facing him, i alwiz appeared dumn and unprepared. i really do prepared de. remembering the awful marks that i get last term, i lost the courage to go to his class. quite coward hor.. i promised to work hard and work hard and work hard this term de. just hope that he wont say anything sarcastic again.  

MR IVVAN!!!! I DO PREPARED OKAYYY??!@!??@?!

and he's the oni lecturer who will reject student for their researches. we did research and still get rejected. sigh..

Starry Starry Night

Now only i realised that "vincent" song in the 溏心风暴 is about vincent van gogh. Van gogh is a mad man yet sentimental and full of expresions. when he express himself through his art, it turns out to be pieces of solemn, Tense, Dark and somber. He is insaned, and attemped to cut his company with a razor, which turned out his own ear was cut accidentally. My lecturer told us he painted a series of wheat field scenes. each of them very different in composition and subject. the dominant wheat field reflected his state of mind, or his life. The poor guy, had no humanbeing on earth who able to understand his thinking, since he is mad, explain his struggle against madness through the series. The most famous wheat field painting is the wheat field with crows. 

The crows overhead are interpreted as signs of foreboding or even death. at the very same month he painted the masterpiece, he shot himself with a revolver in a garden, and then walk back home.

Always, when thinking of Van gogh's life, i feel sorry for him. He h

as nobody to understand him. AlONE in his own world. Luckily for him, he still has his pallete.

"Vincent". by Don Mclean.

Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land. 

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now. 

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand. 

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now. 

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you. 

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow. 

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will... 

Starry Night

people need blog to express their emo.. 

people need blog to shout out their happiness..

people need blog to get attatched to people...

people need blog to kill time...

i need blog to remind what kind of person i were and what kind of person i am turning into and what kind of person i want to be... 

err.. actually everyone need blog for the same reason too.. XD.. 

But i never managed to keep a blog alive for more than half years.. still, it is sort of fun to peeping at ppl's blog and see what they going through.. and OMG we have the similar experience.. haha.. quite stupid for me that now only i realised that. it is a PROCESS. growing up. learn things. get pressured. get heart broken. get new mates. get opportunities. get disappoinment. encountered challange.or failure. stand back on ur feet. at moved on. so now we are all going through the same process, i don't feel as LONELY as i were.

LONELY is a big word. we have thousands and thousands of millions people (do we?) living on the earth. Fool is u to feel lonely. but apparently, I do. or isit everyone has the same feeling too? gosh i am stupid.

Chibi series

i am so so sian... supposed to be searching about asian interior style.. and who said google is the best search engine???? can't even get a PROPER piece of info.. think i shouldnt blame google.. blame no one then... 

since i so sian.. upload some pic chuan chuan ppl.. XD

first chibi by him. chibi = cute

2nd chibi.

forcing him to draw 3rd and 4th and more chibi..XD

跟您拼过 !!!!!!!!

i've always thought i am good in class.. but not last term.. last term sucks.. result is bad..i know i didn't do my best, but that kind of mark.. is totally disaster for me.. gosh 

this term.. 跟你拼了！！！！！！　

不要小看我！！HMMPHHHHH!!!!

NAMES

People have names with meanings.. everyone has one, some has few...

I have a lot.. 

the original one, from my dad, 锐桦．he tole me once the meaning of my name.. he say  hope someday i will become like the 桦树，a tree that is very huge and protect people who take shelter from it.. well, i've been proud to have that name for years.. untill few months ago, i checked up about 桦 online. it's birch in e

nglish. i expected huge trunks with branches that stretched to afar, foliages that cover the whole sky and sun light filtered throught the leaves and dappled on ground.. he told me the tree is so huge that it needs ten 

adults to hug its trunk.

well, what i saw is thin, tiny branches, thin, weak,loomy,  dunno how to describe ah..

anyway, i feel sad.. why would he tell me that it is a huge tree?? i noe it is quite stupedios to be sad just for a name.. actually, i cherised every thing that he gave me.. especially my name, it is the stories that he told me that i hold on to when i go up.. sometimes when i think of my name, i am very proud.. think of his expectations of me, think of what he wanted me to become. but now, it just vanished. just like he vanished in my life. memories faded, his influence on the family is gone, no property left, even the words that he said is forgotten.. people say he will not leave u as long as he is in ur heart. damn right, he is not there anymore. i cant feel it. so i believe time can heal any wound. whether it was covered up or people dont want to lay a sight on it. we move on. and we live. 

then, come other nick names...

ah dan.. or  pei dan.. it resembles another period of my life too.. happy, naive. but it is a pain to me now.is is not that kind of pain that u have that u regret or sth else.. just the kind of pain that u realised u will nvr be the same ah dan anymore. time passed and things changed. i always think about life that i used to have. it is so beautiful that i thought growing up will not affect my life at all. i missed the fun, the laughter, the friends, the moments... 

now, i am sarsi... it means pressures. i having happy moments too.. but most of it is problems, a little bit failure, depressed. but i am freely myself. i do things that i want. say things that i like. although to do the things i want or i thought i wanted cost me a lot. but until now, i realized i've always have no idea of what i want. but still, i am moving..