时间过得真快 与其说是过 不如说它在飞
就那么一下子 你已经离开我们四年了
以为我对家的恋卷也会逐渐随你而消失
直到 我抱着她的那一刻 才知道我有多么想要去爱她 去爱我的家人
才知道 原来有家的感觉是多么的珍贵
因为她的降临 让我重新觉得 生命是多么的美妙

很想对她说 我要很爱很爱你 要看着你开开心心快高长大

第一次看见你 隔着玻璃窗 却隔不住我的泪水 看到你实实在在的存在 有点不可思议

第一次抱你去见妈妈 看着还那么弱小的你 真希望你马上健健康康长大

每次再见到你 他们都说你的样子一直在变
上一个小时 像爸爸
过不久 又像妈妈
像谁都好 你都是我们的宝

很感谢你 萧涵艺 让我感受到生命的喜悦 :)

讨厌死别
真的真的很讨厌
那天才打算想找你聊天 却发现以后都没有机会了
说再多 愿你安息的话有什么用 你不可能听到
那些只是说来给自己好过的话

看到报纸用男尸来形容你 很伤心
为什么会这样
你不可能是一个死物 不可能

还以为我遇过很多离别 已经不怕了
想到这次是我的朋友 却承受不住

如果眼泪能换回死去的生命
我愿意哭成瞎子 换回爸爸， 婆婆 和朋友

:(

feeling so tired now.. i love what i'm doing. but i really dun like it to be so rush.. sigh.. now kua cheong until have to use 2 comp at the same time.. really wanna lie down whole day doing nothing... just relax.. sigh.. no company reply me about my intern yet.. got a bit gan cheong edi. i know i shouldnt be picky. but i just wanna follow my guts first.. hope there's really some good company for me la..

诸事不顺 的几天 。。。

so wanna scream out from my lung.. scream at everything..
so wanna scold the F word to many ppl.. first is the bus company.. 起价起到爽哦！！One raise, another follow to raise. 10cent 20 cent nvm la, go raise until double. really beh song edi.. i look at the notice that they inform about the raise, and really have the urge to draw a fat big Fxxx on it.. feel like behaving reckless lately. and of course i didn't draw the F thingy.. just imagine to satisfy my reckless.

so again i hope..

i can move to a country where all public buses is free of charge!!!

YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

i can move to a country where every citizen get a high-spec laptop for FREE!!!

YAYYYYYY!!!!!!

so that i no need kill hundreds of my brain cells angrying at my bro who purposely jammed to the computer when he knows that i really need to get my work done. once again, i feel the urge to scream the f world again.

2 weeks to go, 70% of not done YET.. GREAT.

加油阿~~加油努力让自己不要一只看着电脑阿~~ 去看书把!! 后天考试了,去看书去看书吧~~

第一次有一点讨厌考试～～T.T

MERDEKA! MERDEKA!

米跌价！！　米跌价！！

整个星期以来 每天睡平均不超过5小时 好想睡到自然醒 @@
还有5 个星期 就要交 功课了 我什么都没有设计 可以死掉了
接下来的5 个星期 35 天 840 个小时 都要一直在拼拼拼！！！！

加油啊！！！！！~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

got to be serious again!!! stop lazying around.. get ur head back to ur assignments!!!

grrr...

8月12 日 是我跟你在一起的最后一天

12 日之前 我的心情很乱 一直挣扎着如何对你开口说分手
12 日之后 且却地说 在挂上电话的那一霎那 我却想你想到要命

12 日之前 我以为自己可以放到很潇洒
12 日之后 却发现还会想你


真的很犯贱 拥有时一直想放弃 结束后却只记得开心的回忆 很想要回那种甜蜜

那天 应该是你最伤心 可是哭的却是我 因为我知道 我对不起你 我拖太久了
我对你说 我最不想 伤害的人就是你 你对我有很大的意义
你却回说 骗话 全部都是骗话
听了真的有一点心痛

心里很明白 不可能跟你到永远 所以要早点放弃
可是 一个人的时候 却一直想着跟你的过去
只好 又一次的 提醒自己 不可能跟你到永远 真的很对不起

还不想放弃你的踪迹 不想删掉你的照片
还一直重读你的讯息 所有以前看似沉闷的 情节 现在都变得珍贵无比

说再多 也没用
你还是不会原谅我 我们还是不能做朋友
很想知道你现在怎样

stressed out

want to talk

no one to listen

Carl Warner's "Foodscapes". it's all about food!!






Carl Warner's "Foodscapes". it's all about food!!

i was supposed to be staying at home and work hard for my assignments yesterday, giving that the dateline is getting closer and closer everyday, but instead i went for a seafood trip to tanjung sepat. anyway it's not the seafood that made the trip memorable. it's the unforgetable and amazingly hot and sticky trip to there and back home that marked our journey. for your information, tanjung sepat is a small kampung which is further down after banting. so we headed from college to klang, then to banting and finally tanjung sepat. the van we rented was late and the uncle didn't get his aircon fixed and ngam ngam these few days is very hot along the day. and his van is so freakingly teruk and slow that we feel like it will fall apart any time. so we were packed inside the van,enjoying our sauna treatment and sweating and sticky all the way down to tanjung sepat. it turns out that most of my collegemates are from kampung area and noe more about kampung den i am. so turned out i am the one that looks like kampung girl. but what to do, it's been a long time since i go back to my kampung already. so i just keep my eyes wide open and look at all the "extraordinary" events happening in the village. also, the village is not that kampung at all. just that they have all the greens that the city dont have. their houses are bigger than ours, lands are filled with green vege, and dua dua liap mangos. toobad they are not ripped yet. if not we sure can get a truckload back. :)

the "pao" shop that kononnya very nice. but for me is okok oni.

uncle and auntie preparing dough for the pao. too bad there started to use machine to make all the pao now. i prefer handmade. : )

auntie putting red marks on the 梅菜包

rows of 生肉包waiting to be cooked

aunties stuffing the 梅菜into the machine made dough

some mushrooms in the mushroom plantation garden

raw coffee "fruit".

very nice juice made from 沙里果.

picking mangoes from my fren's house. that is my lecturer.

sunsets at the swamp.

and there's one more extra good news though.

my sis is getting MARRIED!!!!!!

wahahhahaha.. i noe i shud be happy for her, but i feel sad though. it's feel like we are getting parted for sure already(although now we already seldom meet each other). anyway, i'm still glad that she found someone to take care of her. being a big sister in the family isn't easy. she didn't get the chance to really fulfill her dreams but have to take care of us everytime. so hope she will get all the blessings that she need and have a happy life with jonathan. :)

THE DEAD.
being an ignorant person, i have no idea when is our chinese festival chingming was. but my mom gave order for the whole family to go for tomb sweeping(straight translation :p)

so we woke up early in the morning and sis' fren fetch us to cheras. the place doesn't look as how i remembered. mayb it's not the right season. the trees are not bearing flowers. the air is damp. it rains for the past few days. it is not that serene anymore. well mayb it's my heart that is not serene anymore. i tot i've stopped remembering the sorrow already. but once i was there i realise all the pain is still in my heart, it nvr disappear.

anyway, family is discussing about making a tomb for my dad. yea.. ever since he was buried we still haven erect a proper tomb for him. a long story to tell. then i start talking bout i designing the tomb. however i feel a bit reluctant to do that. i dont feel like pouring cements and concrete over him. though it's abit eery to say so, i feel better when there are plants(actually is just weeds) growing from where he lies. he loved gardening anyhow. i alwiz rather to be buried than burnt after i died, honestly. it makes me think that one day if i came alive i can climb out from my tombstone. if i was burnt i was nothing already. i'm sorry if i scared u with my thoughts XD. just forget wat i say. :)

my dad's "neighbours"

yeap this is my pity old man's place.
the cross that mark his place was gone. probably blown away by wind. sigh..

this is my 2nd week of holiday.. and i have to start SKETCHING already!! sigh.. feel wanna die now.. from monday i tell myself " still got whole week... watch movie first la" den to tuesday, wed, and now, my paper is still blank.. every time i sit infront of my desk and facing the paper for dunno how long oso nothing comes out. sighh.. i need more holidays, to drown myself in laziness.

i hate my mind being blank..

alright, now that i've finished my finals, i need to look for something else to distract my attention. got to stop being haunted by the nightmares and stress that i had.

but i'm going to have that nightmare back in 3 months time anyway.
so just let me die with it.

yayy..

SO DAMN STRESSED AND TIRED FEEL LIKE WANNA EXPLODE I JUST WANT ALL THESE TO END AND MONDAY WILL ARRIVE SOONER SO THAT I CAN SLEEP AS LONG AS I CAN !!!

MIND IS NOT WORKING WELL.. SIGH.

i've gone a bit clueless of what i am doing now.. it seems that i'm rushing for my finals but in the inside i'm not that care for it anymore. passion gone. without warning, just "poooff!!" and there's nothing left. so i am now a working robot and do slow and lousy 3d works. my mind wandering to everywhere. gotta find a way to install fire into this rusted body. before it was too late. 1 week before presentation. everything not done. sigh..

really really clueless now. i wonder where my time goes. din get to finish work. din get any quality time with family. din get to hang out with frens. din get to have fun. din get to think about my design future. din get to update myself about everything. i am a dead working robot. hate robots. and this robot didn't improve the work she's beeen working on for so long.

and umm.. i wonder everyone treat everyone in a same way. sometimes you seem to be so cheerful and supportive and sunshine with one person. yet another moment when u be with another one u r so monotone and discouraging and boring. i dunno how it's really like. i just judge on what i know. mayb not everyone's judgement is different. someone will eventually get bored with someone. there's a lot of time that i want this to stop but something just hold me back. i alwiz have excuses. and it's alwiz until this phase of time(end terms) that i feel most impatient and i want everything to end. it is mostly the awkward moments that come after everything ends that i fear. i am such a coward.

anyway, here's something i wanted to blog long time ago. just dint have the mood to do it. erm.. for those who long time didnt meet my sis or nvr meet her at all, i have a photo to show.


a poster of cigaratte advertisement in the 30s. according to what my mom says. suprisingly the model resembles my sister very much. it was produced way before my mom was born if not mistaken. my sis and her fren discovered it when they having lunch at station 1 in klang. it was hung outside the toilets. when i search about the poster online, i found another one exactly the same in dunno taiwan or china. it says it was hung outside some studio's toilet too.. XD guess this girl is the toilet guardian or something else.. XD XD.. and i swear this is not a work of my photo editing trick. it is 100% genuine. if dont believe go check out in station 1. XDXD. i'm not sure whether the girl is the painter's imagination or it is a real person. either way it is so amazing that 2 person in this world can look so alike even they are not connected. den my sis crap that someone say there are 7 person in this world that look exactly the same. great. now she'd found 1, next is to discover the other 5. :D

this is my real sister. matching rate 99.9%~~
you will be more shock of their resemblance if u really know my sis.

cheers. cheers more.. ~

咳嗽 + 頭痛ing

原來有肺部的病是那么辛苦
尤其是肺癌
一天咳個幾百次 肺都咳到穿洞了
所以要好好照顧身體 珍惜


繼續加油！！

FEEL SO TIRED AND EXHAUSTED....
SOMETIMES IT'S JUST VERY LONELY ON THIS PATH THAT I CHOOSE.

WHAT TO DO..

"KEEP MOVING FORWARD!"

for the first time in my life, i visited the old folks home at setapak with coll frens. i was actually being dragged to go, and i was very reluctant as i still got loads of assignments. but now, i'm glad i went and met many uncle aunties. they were more outgoing and more active than i expected, although they are very old, and some part here pain and some part there swollen. we were assigned to one old person for each of us, and play some games. i supposed the games we prepared is kinda lame, the uncle next to me refuse to play with me..T.T whenever i talked to him he just smile and nod.. dunno is malu or lazy to talk with me..XD.. then another uncle came to sit next to me and we chat.. i wonder whether old man all behave the same manner. coz his attire and gestures are like my dad's. XD. and he play 口琴 and sing on the rooftop(they live in a low cost flat) everyday until the people live in opposite block can hear him. and he's very good in dancing, as in flinging ur legs and hands.. haha.. so he drag me out to dance and i turn out to be the one who stood there dunno how to move.. XD.. the old people are quite sporting, and they are super CUTE.. so i guess i have no worries now.. coz u grow older and u get cuter.. i will be super duper cute in my 80s.. XD.. too bad i din get to take photograph with them. schedule was too rush and the uncle disappeared suddenly :P

but still, it is not a perfect place for them. they have no families, no colors. they just waiting for people to visit them and care for them. there's one auntie who is sick and cant join us. we went to her room to look up for her.. and i saw a picture of her in the room, a beautiful young lady, fashionable, and cheerful. but i saw dignity in her eyes when i asked about it. she must had had a interesting life when she was young. but now she is old and sick and stucked in the old folks home with more sick old people. it is just my guess la.. but again i see my mom in her.. XD... old people memang old people.. all d same.. :p when we were leaving the aunties kept saying 下次再見 la, 有空常來la, which i feel helpless with that.再見means 永遠不見。even if i get to visit them next time, i not sure whether they will be there again. all i can do is only keep their faces in my mind forever.

anyway, i hope that old folks homes never exist, which means all old people have a family to live with. and no matter how, i will nvr let my mom in there. not even a day.